January 23, 2007

In spite of several whole-hearted attempts to go to sleep, I haven’t been too successful. I left work early today to catch up on some much-needed sleep, but somehow by the will of some invisible and malicious force, here I am – a witness to Mick Jagger and David Bowie dancing in the street. And just when I was beginning to enjoy it, by the evil designs of Bill Gates the damn Media Player insists on having me listen to fever dog which only reminds me that I'm nowhere near almost famous yet.

Since I haven’t done much work today at work, I intend to run a small research survey among inhabitants of Coin Land in order to ascertain their opinion on the recent developments in my world. This research is not likely to prove reliable to most of the world. That said, I don’t really care so I’m going to go ahead and conduct this study anyway. On January 23, 2007 we asked a senior member of Coin Land a number of questions about some of life’s most important issues. We present our findings below for the benefit of those who have nothing better to do than to seek reason behind an insane man’s actions:

Me: Will tomorrow be a happy day?
Coin: No

Me: Will I get to go home on time?
Coin: Yes

Me: Will I want to go home?
Coin: No

Me: Will I ever know what I want before I lose it?
Coin: No

Me: Is God bald?
Coin: Yes

Me: Will this headache go away?
Coin: No

Me: Is there a point to this?
Coin: Yes

Me: Do I already know everything I need to know?
Coin: Yes

Me: Can I be a rock star?
Coin: No

Me: Do I owe anyone an apology?
Coin: No

Me: Does anyone owe me one?
Coin: Yes

Me: Am I completely incompetent at everything I do?
Coin: No

Me: Will I ever be able to make my own decisions?
Coin: No

Me: Can I be someone else?
Coin: No

Me: Do I enjoy being depressed?
Coin: Yes

Me: Do I ever really like any of the people around me?
Coin: Yes

Me: Then will they stop being so irritating?
Coin: No

Me: Am I crazy?
Coin: Yes

Me: Are my parents proud of me?
Coin: No

Me: Do my friends really like me?
Coin: No

Me: Does God exist?
Coin: Yes

Me: Am I God?
Coin: Yes

Me: Does anything ever matter?
Coin: Yes

Me: Is everything you’ve told me above true?
Coin: No

Me: Is any of it true?
Coin: Yes

Me: Should I believe all of it to make life easier?
Coin: Yes

There we go people of the world. The coin has spoken.

Note to Readers: Please do try this at home. As luck would have it, the Coins are as believable as anything else.

Sunshine

There are some things that you imagine you just can't compete with. Some extremes you never thought existed. It’s those ideals you build in life. Sometimes you meet these imposters, so miraculously good at their tricks, that you give up all hope of finding any imperfections in them. Given enough amount of time, sure you'll see that its just a trick, and sure you'll have an excuse to not live up to your ideals again, just because nobody's perfect, but for those few moments you are bound to worship in your heart the perfection with which some people imitate or reject your ideals.

The obvious question is—who let the cat out of the bag? How did they know what your ideals looked like? That’s something you’ll probably never know. Fortunately some of these imposters, you’ll only know for those few magical moments. That’s what keeps the ideals alive I guess.

It’s scary though – what they’ll inspire you to do within those moments, with those tricks of theirs. I know one has me chasing dreams of brilliance. Another has me testing the limits of my patience. Another has me hating the entire corporate world. Another had me mistrusting my judgment. And yet another makes me think I’m worth something. And a recent addition to those few, is sunshine. God knows what sunshine will have me do. All I know is, it’s been six months since I’ve written anything, and here I am, completely sober, mumbling to myself about this new ideal I’ve found.

I may one day, learn to ignore these imposters, but until then I will continue to fear them, love them, hate them, be inspired by them, imitate them, suspect them, scrutinize them... No event, no memory, no sight, no sound, no experience has been more powerful in shaping my desires, my dreams, my self-image, me... than these imposters.