Static Static

Noun: Static
A crackling or hissing noise caused by electrical interference
Adjective: Static
Not active or moving
Not in physical motion
Showing little if any change
State of Mind: Static Static
A painfully loud crackling and hissing noise in the head that refuses to go away. Take two tablespoons of oil in a frying pan, heat it for 5.33249587 minutes exactly, and then bring it close to your ear. Ask a friend if you have one, or pay the hooker on your bed an extra 20 Rupees to scratch her nails against a slate near your other ear while she pours water into the frying pan. Now imagine what that would sound like in the middle of a movie theatre on a DolbyTM Surround Sound system with the volume on full, repeating endlessly while you sit tied to the chair, alone, in the dark, except for the screen which flashes blinding white light every 4-6 seconds. That is Static Static. Imagine having your eyes shut as tightly as possible. Imagine living each day with your eyes shut and the Static Static Soundtrack from Hell in the background, with just the flashes of white light to remind you that your eyes are well… not physically shut, and you’re not really hearing that sound.

Purpose. Choice. Aspiration. All pretty meaningless when the white light shatters your illusions of control over… any thing. It’s a scary place to be. Not that the illusions are too comforting either, with the noise overshadowing every voice – internal and external.

Random Thought #1: What is the acoustical analogue of shadows in optics? The sound wave is absorbed, transmitted and reflected (echo) just like a light wave encountering an obstacle. Why can’t I hear a sound-shadow? Shadows depend on physical dimensions of the obstacle, what do sound shadows depend on?

Some crap I didn't finish writing, about some decisions I didn't finish taking

David Grey is whistling in the background, and luring me away to a far off place where there is nothing. Nothing to be confirmed using the illusory objective reality, no external thoughts to ingest, no practical truths to digest. Just a world created out of random words flying around inside a hollow skull, like molecules of a gas. The only sound is that of words colliding to form thoughts that pretend to be under my control. “Let go of your heart, let go of your head…”, he says. It’ll be tough for him to keep my imagination sailing for long. It’s late and the sleepiness will soon drain every last drop of consciousness out of me.

But sleep will have to wait, because today some important decisions will be taken. Some important mistakes will be made. When I’m older, I’ll regret every decision, every mistake just as I do now, those of the past, but I know now, that more than anything I’ll regret not having tried. The accumulated pride of all the successful escapes, from potentially embarrassing situations, achieved by passing up every opportunity of trying something new that didn’t come with a fail-proof guarantee, doesn’t even begin to compensate for the immense regret over lost chances of experiencing life to its fullest. Fate showed me the same face, if not a better one, than it did everyone else, then did I lose faith in my luck, or was I too afraid of failure? Did I fall too hard and never get up again? As always, I have no answers, but then neither does anyone else. Others must have something I don’t, because they don’t let their doubts stop them from jumping on to whichever log they choose out of the hundreds flowing down the river of time. Do they have more faith in their own powers of judgment, or is it faith in a higher power that keeps them playing the guessing game against lady luck? Were they correct in trying to persuade me to embrace religion? Did they know this day would come, for a man who has no faith?

Enough questions!

Sleep got the best of me, and now it’s ten in the morning, and the world requires my presence as a witness to all its trite tragedies. The decisions must wait

Hello World

Hello World. There you are again. And here I am again too. It’s been some time since we talked. A lot seems to have changed since then. But then everything is still the same. I’m still sitting here writing to you in an attempt to record the random thoughts that enter my sleep deprived head. Let’s see what’s changed since last time. The music in the background has changed. I’m not drunk. And yes, I’m willing to admit that I may actually have betrayed the dark side and settled for a lowly existence within the realms of that evasive evil called happiness. I’m happy for Pete’s sake!!

Thanks to a much needed pep talk and some suspect good fortune, today I’ve managed to see things a little more clearly, for a little longer. Of course, the fact that I’ve been sitting up all night again means the dream is over and I’ll be sleeping my life away all day, again, tomorrow, or is it today? Alright world, let’s cut the small talk, shall we, and get straight to business.

Since you don’t talk much, I’ll do the talking. There’s a bunch of things I want from you, and I’m sure in return you’ll expect lots of stuff, that I won’t necessarily be willing to provide or be capable of providing, for that matter. Well that’ll just be too bad for you, because I want what I want!! So here goes. I want a long enough life to do all the things I want to do, which means you’ll ask me to quit smoking in return. Alright, will try. Next I want to be as satisfied as a shit loving pig in a sewage pipe. In return, you’ll ask me to keep my dreams small and ask me to aspire only for what comes easily to every other incompetent fool like me. No can do. I’m not wired to think small. You’ll just have to work around that one. I think I just ran out of things to ask for. Satisfaction seems to cover it all.